LifeCoachAdminI want to talk today about a situation that often goes unnoticed until it’s nearly too late. Maybe someone close to you – a mother, sister, friend, or someone you’ve known for years – recently entered a new relationship, and at first, it seemed like a blessing. She’d been lonely for a long time, perhaps after losing someone she loved, and finally, it looked like she had found happiness again. But slowly, you began to notice that things just didn’t seem right.
In these situations, there can be subtle signs that hint something is wrong, even if there’s no visible proof. Maybe your loved one rarely answers calls anymore, or her replies seem overly brief and cautious. Perhaps you’ve even received cryptic messages from her phone, the kind that make you wonder if she’s reaching out for help in the only way she can.
In controlling or abusive relationships, isolating the person from their support system is often one of the first tactics. By severing family ties, an abuser can make the victim feel like they have no one else to turn to, no way to escape, and no sense of self outside the relationship. What might look like possessiveness or “deep love” at first can evolve into something far more sinister – a form of control that keeps her from reaching out, even when she desperately wants to.
So, what can you do if you suspect that your loved one is in this kind of situation?
- Listen Carefully to Subtle Signals
When you do hear from her, try to pick up on any patterns or signs. Cryptic messages can sometimes be a call for help, but it’s also possible she’s testing the waters to see if it’s safe to talk. It’s important to respond calmly and let her know that you’re there for her without pressuring her to explain things she may not feel safe sharing. - Provide a Safe and Open Line of Communication
Make sure she knows she has someone to rely on, no matter what. Sending occasional messages, even if she doesn’t reply, can remind her that she’s not alone. You might say things like, “I’m here whenever you need me,” or, “Just checking in. I hope you’re okay.” Even if she can’t respond, those messages may be a lifeline, a reminder that someone is watching out for her. - Avoid Confrontational or Direct Statements
Directly suggesting she should leave or asking if her partner is hurting her might backfire, especially if he monitors her phone or conversations. Instead, you could say things like, “I hope you’re safe and happy,” or, “I’m always here if you need to talk.” These statements are gentle but open the door for her to share more if she feels safe to do so. - Prepare a Safe Plan if She Does Decide to Leave
Sometimes, people in controlling relationships want to leave but don’t know how, or are afraid of the repercussions. If she reaches out and hints that she’s ready to leave, help her plan a safe exit. This could mean coordinating with trusted friends, finding a nearby shelter, or setting up a code word or phrase that she can use if she needs help in an emergency. - Educate Yourself on Signs of Abuse and Isolation
Understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships can give you better insight into what she might be going through. Isolation is often a tool abusers use to create dependency, so the more you know about the signs and resources available, the more effectively you can support her.
It’s heartbreaking to see someone you love trapped in a relationship where their freedom is stripped away. Remember, in these situations, the smallest acts of love and patience can mean everything. Let her know she’s not alone, and if the time comes, be ready to help her find her way back to a safe, independent life.
There is always hope, even in the darkest situations. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of keeping that hope alive until she’s ready to step into it herself.
