After more than 20 years working with women going through the often painful process of divorce, I can tell you a question I have gotten time and time again is how can I afford to live alone after my divorce? Before getting into the weeds, I will give you the simple answer: It’s yes, you can.

But, How? How Can I Afford to Live Alone After Divorce?

I hear you. I’ve supported many women who feel overwhelmed, confused, and frightened. And certainly, I’ve helped many who had no idea of the finances in their marriage. I am going to organize my thoughts on your question how can I live alone, and break them down into 5 truths you must know to grab hold of yourself and give you courage.

Simple truth #1: A Dark Corner Becomes a Lot Less Scary When You Shine a Light on It

My friend, this could not be truer than with your finances. It feels scary right now because it is unknown. One of the most overwhelming parts of going through a divorce is just how much unknown there is, the finances representing just a piece of an elaborate puzzle. Many women feel a sense of shame after realizing how in the dark they’ve been with regard to their finances, often having no idea how much they are worth or where their money is going. I invite you to give yourself the gift of a fresh financial start and to shake off any shame or guilt around money. Through decades of experience, I have seen that women often feel more financially secure post-divorce. For the first time in a long time, they are in complete control of their money.

Simple Truth #2: You Do Not Need to Figure This Out on Your Own

There is tremendous value in working with a financial advisor (look for someone who has passed the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) and is a fiduciary), and don’t hesitate to reach out to our team. (See below.) I cannot stress just how important it is to have an advisor in your corner during this time, no matter how much or how little money you have. The right advisor will help you take inventory of everything and model out your short-term and long-term financial picture, ensuring your financial security and your best future.

A myth that is far too prevalent is that you need to be wealthy to work with an advisor. This is just not the case. There are all types of advisors, from those who charge a quarterly fee, like we do at Francis Financial, to those who work on an hourly basis or charge a monthly payment similar to a gym membership.

Fantastic free resources like the charity I founded 25 years ago, Savvy Ladies, are also here to help. Savvy Ladies will match you with a financial advisor with expertise in divorce. And you can work together at no cost. We have helped over 5,000 women through our helpline and tens of thousands more who have taken one of our 250 financial literacy courses. I hope that you will be one of them too!

Please, keep taking steps to support yourself! Read SAS’ “55 Must Do’s on Your Modern Divorce Checklist”!

Simple truth #3: Your Expenses May Change

I am going to be brutally honest with you: you may not be able to spend like you did when you were married, and your expenses may need to change. An advisor will help you figure out what exactly that number is so that you can be sure you are living within your means. I know this sounds scary, but I promise you will feel better knowing that you are not overextending yourself.

Real Example: When Letting Go Opens New Doors

One client of mine, who found herself over-extended, is Jamie. Jamie was holding on tight to a vacation home that represented a significant portion of her monthly expenses. But the home sat empty almost all year, and as she got older, she felt less inclined to make the long journey to stay there. We realized after some time that the house was representative to Jamie of her past life. She spent many summers with her ex-husband and children in that home. And those were cherished memories.

But after careful consideration, Jamie concluded that the house was holding her back from her future, as the expense was keeping her from living the life she wanted to. She and her husband had purchased the home 25 years prior, when they had young kids and full-time jobs. As a newly divorced, independent woman, Jamie realized just how different her life looked now, and that the home had served its purpose, and it was time to move on.

After selling the home, it was as if a tremendous weight had been lifted! We helped Jamie by giving her a detailed financial plan that showed her all that the sale had allowed and invested the proceeds in a portfolio that would generate additional income. Now, she feels free to buy tickets to the Broadway shows that she loves and plan trips to see her children and grandchildren.

I invite you to think for a moment about your finances. Did Jamie’s story remind you of an expense in your life that could be holding you back from living the life you want to live?

Take some time in a quiet space where you can deeply consider where your money is going and whether it’s working for you or against you.

Simple truth #4: You Do Not Need to Speed Through This

Start by taking a pause and focusing on self-care. You will be hard-pressed to find anyone who is going to tell you that divorce is easy or painless, but you are going to get through it. Not only are you going to get through it, but you have the opportunity to come out the other side feeling closer to yourself than you have in a very long time. I invite you to see this moment as one for radical self-care.

The routines that you do that keep your mind and body healthy are no longer optional.

Though being smart about your spending will be key, your personal and physical health should not be skimped on. Take this as your permission slip to set boundaries and prioritize yourself right now as if your life depends on it. Ask for help, spend time with the people that bring you joy, and say no to things that don’t. Be relentlessly compassionate with yourself, and if gratitude is not already a part of your life, make it one. Divorce proceedings can sometimes make your life feel like a business deal, full of numbers and devoid of humanity. First, and foremost, you have to fill your cup as much as you can to help you through this arduous process.

For inspiration and to feel normalized, check out “The Truth About Starting Over After Divorced at 45”.

And if you feel you are in yet another category, consider reading, “What is Gray Divorce: 9 Signs It’s Yours.”

Simple truth #5: You Will Find Strength in Community

I also always advise clients to connect with others who have done this before. Reach out to friends who are further along in the process and join one of many divorce support groups offered by SAS for Women. You will quickly find that you are not alone and that other women are excited to help in any way they can.

I hope that you now have a clearer picture of how you can afford to live alone in your life after divorce and see that it is possible not only to survive, but to step into who you really are. There is a big, beautiful life waiting for you.

NOTES:

Stacy Francis, CFP®, CDFA®, CES™, is the President and CEO of Francis Financial, a fee-only boutique wealth management, financial planning, and divorce financial planning firm dedicated to providing ongoing comprehensive advice for women in transition, such as divorce or widowhood. She is a Certified Financial Planner™ (CFP®), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), and Certified Estate and Trust Specialist (CES™) with over 20 years of experience in the financial industry. Stacy is also the founder of the non-profit, Savvy Ladies™, and host of the Financially Ever After podcast.

If you need financial planning and wealth management guidance, feel free to reach out to us to schedule your complimentary consultation by visiting our website at www.francisfinancial.com. We are here for you.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, dealing with it, or recreating the life you deserve, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice to not do it alone. 

Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner with them through the emotional, financial, and often complicated experience of breaking up and reinventing. 

SAS offers all women six free months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you — and your precious future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”